Thursday, March 15, 2007
today ish my OFFDAY ! wad i did today ? i slp till 4pm den woke up coz cant slp anymore... hv my shower den sit in front of my laptop... on9 a while den go cook maggiee , bring in front of my laptop again den watch dvd... watching a new taiwan drama series " Green Forest , My Home " ( Lyu Kwang Shen Ling ) a romantic love story... quite like it... still gt few more episodes to go... after watch few disc , i lie down on my bed... think alots of things... feel lk crying... i cried alots when im alone... i hate my life... wad im gg through right now... i hate lk tis... hate being so lonely... hate to stay in my room on my offday... ish lk gg back to my secondary 5 tt time... where im staying alone without anyone by my side... i hate tt time... i dun wish to go back... i dowan...
act passed few days my frenz gt ask me out today for dinner but i dowan to join coz i dowan to be "spotlight"... haha... seeing dem together... im very happy n a little bit jealous... haha... everytime everywhere whenever i saw couples hugging each other, kissing, holding hands, my heart felt so lonely so sad so jealous but so warm... saw those happiee couple i rili wish dem " xin fu kuai le " somehow i wish to have a bf too so tt whenever im down , i hv someone beside me... i rili hope i can once open my heart again...
today i was thking alots of " IF "
"if" i would hv nv met him in " fairyland "
"if" we doesnt believed in fate
"if" i would hv not come here
"if" he would hv change earlier
"if" i would hv giv him another chance
"if" i would hv told him tt im waiting for him
"if" he would hv loved me more den i do
wad a stupid " IF " haha... dere ish no " IF " in tis world... we should look forward instead... i noe i should but my heart still trapped in the passed , i just cant seems to move on... even how hard im trying im still stuck in the passed in those fading memories... if i still cant let it go i will nv find my happiness again... no one noes how i feel... nv been so sad before... im so lost... i rili hope i can find my way out... can i leave all my memories here n go back to where im belongs to ? can i ?? if i would hv go back to msia now , can i let go ? will i find my happiness again ? my mum was right... i should hv listen to her not to fall in love...
* love hurts * it rili hurts alots ='(
flew into your heart at [6:46 AM]
* HeR fiRst cRieD --> 19th AuG 1985 *
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